Resources

Marriage & Relationships

Books

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

By: Stan Tatkin PsyD.

This is my most recent “must have” book that I highly recommend for anyone in a relationship! As Stan summarizes: ”What the heck is my partner thinking?” is a common refrain in romantic relationships, and with good reason. Every person is wired for love differently, with different habits,  needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and rituals, making it possible to actually neurologically prime the brain for greater love and fewer conflicts. Wired for Love is a complete insider’s guide to understanding your partner’s brain and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust.

Hold Me Tight- 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

By: Dr Sue Johnson.

This is a book for both partners and professionals who work with relationships. Learn how to recognize “Demon Dialogues” and forgive injuries, by the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy. An approach endorsed by the American Psychological Association as one of the most successful approaches to creating loving relationships.

Mating in Captivity- Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

By: Esther Perel.

This book poses the interesting questions: Can we desire what we already have? Does good intimacy make for hot sex? This book addresses the  challenge of maintaining sexual excitement/desire in long term relationships

Tell Me No Lies

By: Dr Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson.

Read about other partners who struggle with the same things you do in relationship. Learn how they break through the lies to build stronger  partnerships and marriages

Being Me, Loving You: A Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationships

By: Dr. Marshall Rosenberg.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg- Founder of non-violent communication. Learn how to communicate about the most difficult and charged issues in your relationship(s) with these fail proof guidelines.

Getting the Love You Want

By: Harville Hendrix, PhD.

Learn how to create a conscious and mature relationship(s) by learning from what your parents/caregivers modeled instead of unconsciously repeating it.

For Couples Dealing with Sexual Trauma

The Sexual Healing Journey; A Guide For Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Revised Edition)

By: Wendy Maltz. 2001.

This book speaks directly to people of all genders, sexual orientations, and the entire spectrum of sexual abuse experiences. It offers step by step  instructions to find a healing path. Also it is heartening to hear the stories of other survivors and their partners who are able to make amazing progress. Another must read!

Allies in Healing – When the Person You Love was Sexually Abused as a Child

By: Laura Davis. 1991.

Healing is a multi-person job. This is required reading for anyone in a relationship with a
survivor! It’s full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy
to find what you need.

Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors

By: Ken Graber. 1991.

For a quick read and lots of information this book is a good introduction. The author gives a quick overview of what lies ahead for the partners in a way that helps foster more understanding.

Want to survive the affair? This book is a must read:

Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

By: Shirley Glass. 2004.

Websites

www.estherperel.com

Esther Perel is a world renowned speaker on the subject of erotic intelligence. She has appeared on multiple TV shows including the Oprah Winfrey Show, the Today Show and CBS This Morning to address the subject of how to keep desire and excitement alive in long term relationships.

www.stantatkin.com

for a fascinating look at what makes relationships work from a neurobiological perspective check out this smart and funny relationship expert!

www.openingup.net

For how to open your mind and relationship check out Tristan Taormino’s book and website-This book will “change the way you think about intimacy – and will help you decide if an open relationship is right for you.”

Parenting

Books

Why Love Matters- How Affection Shapes the Baby’s Brain

By: Sue Gerhardt. 2004.

This book will open your eyes to the fundamentals of brain development in infancy and the importance of responsive parenting. Ideas are well backed by scientific research but still very readable for the lay person.

Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents

By: Christine Carter. 2010.

Christine Carter, PhD, is a sociologist and happiness expert who directs the Greater Good Science Center’s parenting program in Berkeley, California. Drawing on what psychology, sociology, and neuroscience reveal about the factors that create joy and strong relationships, Carter teaches simple skills to improve relationships with children, spouses, and ex-spouses. Also be sure to check out the online course for parents by Christine Carter: www.raisinghappiness.com

How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk

By: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

This is a parent’s essential and easy read.

Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood

By: David Strah And Susanna Margolis. 2004.

Beautifully written, David Strah the author, is a master story teller. In this book David looks at twenty five different situations, including his own, that offer a wide range of options, revealing the relationship that gay men have with their children, their community and families. It also has a reference section where the reader can gain more information and assistance in their goals to adopt a child.

Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle (Contemporary Perspectives on Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Psychology)

By: Abbie E. Goldberg. 2009.

A well researched and very readable resource for both families and the clinician, this book can be read by a wide audience. Also a wonderful resource for prospective and active lesbian and gay parents and their children.

For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy, and Proud

By: Suzanne M Johnson Phd and Elizabeth O’Connor Phd. 2001.

“A ‘must read’ for lesbian mothers and moms-to-be as well as those lucky enough to have such a family in their lives” – Leslea Newman, author of ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’

Parenting from the Inside Out

By: Daniel Siegel, MD and Mary Hartell, MED.

This book looks at what is needed in a child’s environment to foster optimal development. While written by a neuroscientist, it is very personable and readable. This one is a must have for new parents.

And Baby Makes 3

By: John Gottman

Gottman has written a whole host of books based on his research of some 20+ years with partners. His approach could be named “the science of love.” He asks the question: what makes one relationship work and not the other? Read Gottman and find out!

Websites

www.ourfamily.org

A must have site for queer families in the Bay Area. Go here for support groups, social events and social justice advocacy.

www.mombian.com

To quote the creator of the site: “Mombian provides parenting tips, children’s activities, book reviews for parents and children, and political news and commentary, all from the perspective of a lesbian mom. It also includes a helping of lesbian culture and entertainment, in the belief that mothers don’t lose their other interests the moment they become parents.”

www.handinhandparenting.org

This is an invaluable site for the new parent. It provides resources, training, and lots of support for parents of young children. For over 20 years, the Parenting by Connection approach has brought parents practical tools that can resolve universal family challenges.

Food and Body Image

Books

Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth about Your Weight

By: Linda Bacon. 2010.

This book addresses the dangers of dieting and in Linda’s own words: “As long as we’re focused on changing our bodies — which the data shows isn’t going to happen for most people, anyway — we are missing the real benefits that come from caring for our bodies.” For more about Linda Bacon, PhD and the power of the Health at Every Size *HAES) approach go to her site:www.lindabacon.org

Your Dieting Daughter – Is She Dying for Attention?

By: Carolyn Costin. 1997.

Includes a wealth of ideas: sound nutritional guidance, “fit or fanatic” exercise, a “What Do I Do When?” chapter, and discussions of eating disorders and the family. A unique feature of this book is its description and evaluation of popular diet plans—an eye opener for anyone who has been sucked in by the multi-billion dollar diet industry.

Eating in the Light of the Moon

By: Anita Johnston, PhD. 1996.

How women can transform their relationship with food through myths, metaphors and storytelling.

When Food is Love

By: Geneen Roth. 1991. Penguin Books, New York

A very readable and engaging book about a compulsive eater’s struggle with intimacy and food. She describes her healing journey through the  childhood hurts and her issues around food and weight to true intimacy.

Fat!So?

By: Marilyn Wann. 1998. Ten Speed Press

Because you don’t have to apologize for your size! This is a wonderful fresh approach to reclaim your body and live healthy at any size. Check out her website too: www.fatso.com.

Addiction to Perfection. The Still Unravished Bride

By: Marion Woodman. 1982. Inner City Books, Toronto, Canada

A Jungian approach that looks at the mother/daughter relationship and the repressed feminine. Marion explores how the addiction to perfection alienates women from their ability to nurture themselves. Finally, she explores the body/spirit connection and how food rituals replace the authentic need for spiritual ritual.

Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder

By: James Lock, MD, PhD and Daniel Le Grange, PhD. 2005. The Guildford Press

Parents, read this book if you want to become more empowered in the battle against the eating disorder that has taken over your child’s life. Learn how to read the danger signals and know what to do about them. If your child is in treatment for an eating disorder, this book also has excellent  explanations for understanding what you’re really dealing with.

Websites

www.namedinc.org

NAMED is uniquely dedicated to offering support to and public awareness about males with eating disorders.

www.andreasvoice.org

Andrea’s Voice came into being following a parent’s (Tom and Doris Smeltzer) worst nightmare: the death in 1999 of 19-year-old daughter, Andrea, after 13 months of bulimic behaviors. Since then they have created various eating disorder prevention/educational presentations (which have now been given as Keynotes at hundreds of universities, conferences and organizations nationwide and internationally), and this web site to educate others on this so often misunderstood illness. It includes an ‘Advice for Parent’s’ Blog.

www.maudsleyparents.org

An excellent resource for parents with eating disordered children/ teens- Check out this site for a more empowered approach for parents.

www.geneenroth.com

NAMED is uniquely dedicated to offering support to and public awareness about males with eating disorders.

www.bodypositive.org

“Beauty is not a single image, but the active embodiment and celebration of the self.” Check out this site to participate in the radical re-imagining of what true beauty is, where it can be found, and how we can invite it into our lives.

www.adiosbarbie.com

A body loving site for everybody!

www.theelisaproject.com

This community-based organization raises awareness about eating disorders and sponsors an annual professional symposium for health  professionals and educators.

For more on the Health At Every Size Approach which allows you to move from a relationship to your body as “battleground” to body as “home and sanctuary” check out these excellent sites:www.sizediversityandhealth.org and www.haescommunity.org

www.aptedsf.com

The Association of Professionals Treating Eating Disorders (APTED) offers low fee/ sliding scale psychotherapy referrals, support groups, and  resources to individuals with food, weight and body image issues in the Bay Area.

Trauma + EMDR

Books

It Didn’t Start With You – How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle

By: Mark Wolynn
Excellent book on the intergenerational transmission of trauma and how to heal it.
(View Book)

8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery: Take-Charge Strategies to Empower Your Healing

By: Babette Rothschild. 2010.

A book filled with common sense that demystifies the trauma recovery process.

Beyond the Trauma Vortex into the Healing Vortex – A Guide for You

By: Gina Rossi. 2008.

This book is quite readable for non-clinicians and is written simply. It is also available in Hebrew.

In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness

By: Peter A. Levine Ph.D. and Gabor Mate M.D. 2010

A highly informative book on how to address and deal with trauma by the developer of Somatic Experiencing, one of the most comprehensive modalities for working with trauma.

Trauma and Recovery

By: Judith Herman. 1997.

A tried and true classic! If you are a survivor of any kind of trauma, read this book. A unique book on trauma, child abuse and PTSD.

Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy

By: Pat Ogden, PhD. 2006.

Written by the founder and director of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, an internationally recognized school that specializes in training psychotherapists in somatic/cognitive approaches for the treatment of trauma.

Growing Beyond Survival: A Self-Help Toolkit for Managing Traumatic Stress

By: Elizabeth G. Vermilyea. 2000.

A useful workbook as an adjunct to therapy; includes grounding tools and more for managing stress and developing trust. Although it is geared more towards people who were abused as children or adults in relationship, it still has many useful tools for people with combat PTSD.

EMDR: The Breakthrough ‘Eye Movement’ Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma

By: Francine Shapiro and Margot Forrest

This book talks about EMDR as a technique, but also talks a lot about the impact of trauma on people and includes several case studies.

Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors

By: Ken Graber. 1991.

For a quick read and lots of information this book is a good introduction. The author gives a quick overview of what lies ahead for the couple in a way that helps foster greater understanding.

Excellent resources for soldiers returning from war with reference to returning Iraqi and Afghan vets and families

Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families

By: Keith Armstrong,LCSW, Suzanne Best, PhD and Paula Domenici, PhD

After the War Zone: A Practical Guide for Returning Troops and Their Families

By: Laurie B Slone, PhD and Matthew J. Friedman, MD,PhD

Websites

www.traumahealing.com

Check out Peter Levine’s website for a plethora of useful articles and postings on healing trauma through the body.

Dr. Levine was a stress consultant for NASA during the development of the Space Shuttle. He has taught at treatment centers, hospitals and pain clinics throughout the world on healing trauma through the body using Somatic Experiencing, a powerful method he developed.

www.traumaresourceinstitute.com

Laurie Leitch, PhD, and Elaine Miller-Karas, LCSW, are two excellent clinicians who founded their organization after receiving training in Somatic Experiencing with Peter Levine.

They have worked in Israel, Jerusalem, and other parts of the Middle East as well as internationally in Nepal, Tibet, and Thailand. One of their specialty areas is in healing combat trauma. They also post on Facebook, so you might want to take a look at their site as there are many references, articles, etc you might find helpful. Check out the Trauma Resource Institute for some excellent resources.

www.calmclinic.com

A website that organizes some of the most essential facts about how to treat anxiety and how to get help. It describes some techniques anxiety sufferers can try themselves and also discusses various other treatment choices.

www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a body-oriented talking therapy for the treatment of trauma developed by Pat Ogden, Ph.D., a pioneer in somatic psychotherapy and the treatment of trauma.

www.traumacenter.org

Founded by Bessel A. van der Kolk M.D., who has been an active clinician, researcher and teacher in the area of posttraumatic stress and related phenomena since the 1970s. The Center provides comprehensive services to traumatized children and adults and their families at the main office in Brookline, MA.

Astrology

Books

The Art of Chart Interpretation.

By: Tracy Marks. 2009. CRCS Publication, Sebastopol, CA.

A good book for the beginning astrologer.

Astrology, Psychology and The Four Elements.

By: Stephen Arroyo. 1979. CRCS Publications, Vancouver.

A timeless classic, Stephen gives a basic introduction to the energetic language of astrology and how it can be used to enhance a psychological perspective.

The Astrology of Self Discovery.

By: Tracy Marks. 2008. CRCS Publication, Sebastopol, CA.

An in depth exploration of the potentials revealed in your birthchart.

Therapeutic Astrology.

By: Greg Bogart. 1996. Dawn Mountain Press, Berkeley, CA.

“Shows how to use the birthchart to assist individuals through major life transitions, understand
the dynamics of relationships and marriage and to guide persons experiencing spiritual
emergencies and non ordinary states of consciousness.”

The Inner Sky: How to Make Wiser Choices for a More Fulfilling Life.

By: Steven Forrest. 1984. Bantam Books, New York.

A blueprint for using astrology to uncover the universe of potential within you. Emphasizes making the most of your opportunities and facing your challenges creatively.

Websites

www.dianecramer.com

Diane Cramer… a medical astrologer.

www.michaellutin.com

An astrologer with a unique and fun loving style.

www.ltastrology.com

Use astrology to find the right location for you!

www.stariq.com

Lots of entertaining and educational content by well-known astrologers.